This is my time, here I draw the line.

This is my time, here I draw the line.



I wont look back, I wont regret. Now its time to rise and shine.



In countless gasps and gut wrenching fear, I walked a path, shaken and blind.



Wondering how long I will last. But alas it all went past and now the path seems clear.



I promise my self, I will look afresh, I will give it yet another chance.



For this is my time, here I draw the line.

Am I still me?

Am I still me? The one I hoped to be? In the countless promises, made to myself. Some broken, and some trying to keep.



Am I still me? Or have I changed another identity? I ask myself my reality. An answer so desperate to see.



Am I still me? One wanting to be free. Change of events seem illusions. And illusions challenge my sanity.



Am I still me? Held onto this statue for eternity. But Letting go of this only to grab another. Seems just like a formality.



Am I still me? Am I the reflection I see?

Passing the parcel

Red or blue or round or flat,
Home delivered and tailor made.
I had it, now you do.
The parcel now bears your name.

Only to change hands again before you get a hang.
Love it or don't, but its days are numbered.
Alas this parcel moves again,
Only for another to take its place.

I have received and also delivered.
This passing of the parcel.

Play with me.

Play with me, the time is short.
Today, and I hope tomorrow too,
or maybe left is just this moment and right now.
I will play hard, play it fair,
and winning or loosing will give joy much the same.

The others called me out,
and drafted me in their team.
But I refused and excused myself,
because its you I wanted to play with.
This game is just for you and me.

I have waited long looking out of the window,
for the sun to settle,
for the cool evening breeze,
for our time to come out.
So come on, lets play together now.

Your Smile!

How, why, where, when!

From the fear of losing,
I hold with all my might.
Of the pain and agony,
I don’t see and end in sight.

How life moves on!

Over the petty and trivial,
I complain and I hanker.
In wanting some to stay,
I throw down the anchor.

Why life moves on!

In moments I become nobody and just as soon some,
I feel the live and I touch the dead.
The script of this movie has me astonished,
I play both the lead as well as the led.

Where life moves on!

With pushes and pulls, I walk along,
I admire myself, and with myself I compete.
The use of all tools seems such a waste,
I start to express, ending in distorting the complete.

When life moves on!

Surrender

Sometimes !

Sometimes I’m cool, sometimes hot, and sometimes not.
Sometimes… only some times!

Sometimes I'm high, sometimes low, sometimes I don’t show.
Sometimes on my feet, sometimes in the air, and sometimes I don’t know where.
Sometimes I rock, sometimes roll, and sometimes just a big LOL.
Sometimes a prince, sometimes a pauper, and sometimes I look like a joker.

Sometimes I’m cool, sometimes hot, and sometimes not.
Sometimes… only some times!

Sometimes I’m wrong, sometimes right, and sometimes I just leave the fight.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it sucks, and sometimes I don’t create a fuss.
Sometimes I remember, sometimes forget, and sometimes I also regret.
Sometimes I leave, sometimes stay, and sometimes I sit to pray.

Sometimes I’m cool, sometimes hot, and sometimes not.
Sometimes… only some times!

Lifes got no reason, I just flow with the season.

Lifes got no reason,
I just flow with the season.

I look up to see the clouds,
I look ahead to see the mist.
I look down to see the ground,
I look back to none around.

Lifes got no reason,
I just flow with the season.

I was not what I am now,
I wont be the same some days down.
I have laughed and cried so many times,
I have felt all emotions yet I am fine.

Lifes got no reason,
I just flow with the season.

I mess it up sometimes,
I miss it too sometimes.
I dress the fake sometimes,
I impress my self sometimes.

Lifes got no reason,
I just flow with the season.

I will do it if it comes my way,
I wont regret it any which way.
I will feel happy this way or that,
I wont feel bad if somehow it gets sad.

Lifes got no reason,
I just flow with the season.

“I” story.

“I” am a dream,
“I” am a wonder.
“I” am an accident,
“I” am a blunder.

“I” see me,
“I” chase me.
“I” hide me,
“I” can’t face me.

“I” blame you,
“I” dent my entity.
“I” get blamed,
“I” create an identity.

“I” becomes story,
“I” becomes problem.
“I” becomes angel,
“I” becomes goblin.

“I” then live,
“I” then cry.
“I” then wither,
“I” then die.

It don’t hurt no more !

It don’t hurt no more,
Your touch healed this sore.

I was down and out,
Riddled with all doubt.

So out of luck,
Stuck in all the muck.

Had guilt and shame,
And filled with pain.

I cried and yelped,
But none saw or helped.

With none around,
Somehow me, you found.

Its hard to believe,
This soul that you retrieved.

Withered and in grief,
You made it so brief.

Now it don’t hurt no more,
Your touch healed this sore.

I am that.

I amaze myself so regularly, that I loose my bearings.

I wonder about myself so much so, that I confuse reality.

I fool myself so well, that I loose identity.

I laugh on myself so hard, that I start crying.

I admire myself so that, I can admire you better.

I am that, so are you.

The Amusement Park

Recently, while talking on the phone, my friend showed a keen interest in visiting this new mall/amusement park, which had a scary tunnel ride; the sort in which a cart goes through a tunnel with all sort of mechanical/ghostly creatures shooting out of no-where with lots of shrieks and loud noise. While on the subject, she quipped "Darne ke liye log paise dete hai" (People pay to get scared). Amusing words, but one that reflects so well on our day to day life. The roller-coaster of a life. Pay, stand in a long Que and wait our turn, for the best rides. And finally when our turn comes, experience those fleeting moments of joy, and before long its all over. "Bada darr laga, bada mazza aaya" (It was very scary, it was so much fun). "Phir se jana hai" (I want to go again).

As long as one enjoys the rides, the creation of the Park serves its purpose.

As long as..... Over heard a conversation between a boy and his father. "Dad, I'm feeling sick because of all the rides." "OK son, lets get you back home."

All taking our rounds in the scary tunnel and confirming it as reality to each other. All seemingly amused in one big Amusement Park.

Ownership !

He flies and he soars, when he hears the crowd roar.
They chant his name, he wants much more.

He is full and proud at who he is,
Savor it all, not a moment to miss.

He has achieved a lot, and he wants the world to know,
Hiding all else, just his precious collections on show.

With the ownership of the achievements and the few wonders,
Comes the heavy bag, holding his many blunders.

Hiding the mistakes takes all mind and might,
Known only to him, for the rest its out of sight.

It’s a pretty picture that he has painted,
Though in the corner lies the brush, messy and tainted.

It’s a house of cards.

Kings of wealth, Queens of beauty and cunning Jacks,
With Aces so capable, calling the shots in the racks.

An ordinary number is just another waiting in the move,
The poor thing is a tremble, when its all push and shove.

The bets are high and the calling loud,
All numbers want to pass in the Kings shroud.

The Kings and the Aces keep their own company,
A number is ordinary and just too many.

Then there is the Joker, looking like a fool,
Laughing silly, sitting out of the duel.

The rating is precise and causes quite a ruffle,
Till the time the pack gets another shuffle.

It’s a house of cards alright, but never a home,
A slight breeze and its all over and blown.

All Alone.

“Alone”. This is a terrifying word, and an even more intensely terrifying situation. Its a situation from which one is constantly trying to keep distance.
In fact all action from an individual viewpoint seems to be in direct relation in keeping oneself away from this loneliness.

How would fear hold its meaning without loneliness? The fear of loss is in itself based on ultimately being lonely. All activity revolves around the individuals swing of loving/being loved to being alone. Physical proximity or not, a connection is still required.

Why do what we do? What is right, what is wrong?
Don’t we in reality keep the company of righteousness out of fear of loneliness arising out of fruits of sin and guilt?

Why do we search love? What is it in love?
A fullness, completeness. But in the run away from loneliness, towards love; the completeness just seems like a mirage that is just a little further up, but still out of reach.

To run or not to run?
Is the search for love, compounding the intensity of loneliness?
What if this swing between loneliness and love stops? What would that be? True love? I don’t know.

Who am I?
The one company I actually am most fearful of is my own. I fear my own self the most. And that is called alone. But am I the only real company of me? Then what is left to seek? I wonder.

What is this world?
Is it a hallucination? Am I running after people, objects and pleasure to keep myself in a drugged stupor, away form my own self?

Want some more.

More!
How much more?
Lots more.

When the want for more is still very, very less.
Have more, and that soon becomes a bore.
Then still some more.

Less!
How much less?
Very less.

When wanting less is just another wanting more of less.
Have less, and that soon becomes a crying stress.
That’s such a mess.

Want more?
Want less?
The same question more or less.

More or less?
Want or averse?
In the crowd but still lost and alone.

Who want?
Why want?
Really, sure?

Want?
Amazing!
I pray, I want to wake up.

The games “I” play.

Silly!!
I am rare, you are common.
I am a wonder, you are an average.
I am the walk, you are the follow.

Truly!!
Why do you have to be wrong, for me to look right?
Why do you have to falter, for me to appear successful?
Why do you have to be sad, for me to feel happy?

Really!!
Can’t sit with me, so I stand with you.
Can’t practice on me, so I preach on you.
Can’t face the imperfect me, so I abuse you.

Actually!!
The need is self, nothing else.
Attention in self, and nowhere else.
Love my self, to truly love everyone else.